Friday, May 23, 2014
And so it goes, for the child who is told you learn differently. You are ahead of the game because you are already outside the box that society will try to put you in. Finding who and what and where and how you want to learn is something that society will try to dictate to you. Finding what works for you is a journey. For me, writing it down works, but others might not understand what I am saying. Do you want me to explain? Lead, follow, or get the **** out of the way, is an old Army saying, it pretty much is a philosophy that I have embraced. I'm going to be me, I'm too old to stop my brain from thinking so I may as well say it.
Years of wondering why I wasn't learning as fast (memorizing) was diagnosed when I was 16. I knew I had an issue when I was 5. I also didn't care, I just wanted to be left alone. Was it important that I memorize everything, or knew where to get the answers. For me, knowing I could find the answers became my quest. I didn't want to be the one figuring out the answers but being able to say that is the answer.
I didn't like reading. Observation of animals was more my thing, exploring and learning about the world was my life. I differed from other family members this way but if there was a book about animals I read it. I learned to read by reading the Bible for family devotions and the upper room. Once we switched to animal stories my interest in knowing what happened next helped in my liking of books.
I would struggle through school. The first time I visited that special room, I was in 4th grade and they said I was brilliant. They said I had no issues. I knew differently I cheated my way through 5th grade, and tried in 6th grade but my teacher caught me, from then on it was on my own often receiving an E which meant effort but failing. School tests were exhausting and took extra tutors in spelling and math to get through it.
Somehow I squeaked by each grade, by my sophomore year I suffered my first nervous breakdown when my brain cracked, trying to learn too much and going through a lot in life also the doctor didn't diagnose me correctly and administered the wrong drugs, almost costing me my freedom to the point it was suggested that I be sent state side. I was living overseas at the time.
My junior year once again I went to the special room at school. This time the testing was intense and hours were spent, but no one could pin point my issues. I could flip letters, put numbers together (having had to learn chinese in 3rd and 4th grade must of helped something because I did learn to see what I feel the rest of the world does.) I often don't think I make any sense because my thinking is different and it is frustrating to explain or sometimes I just don't want to talk, I prefer the silence.
I probably drive the average people nuts with my personal reminders made public in Houston County Home School Happenings and my family calendar. This is how I umm learn, no this is how I remember. I have very little short term memory but a long term memory is weirder than most. I can remember a memory from early ages but what happened yesterday and you are asking my brain to do something it wants to put in the past and move on until three days later or so.
It becomes frustrating to look at something and be told what to be done when I see something that should be done and cause and effect is figured out in my brain but not the other persons. I am not wrong, in what I am saying, it just isn't what is seen by other people, it's just the way my brain works. It scatters and must sit down to write a list and then focus with an A,B,C, D plan. For the most part I just let it go and let God, realizing in the end He is the one who knows so much more than anyone. Focusing on the day at hand and what needs to be accomplished gets me through my learning ability.
I used to be the action person, and drive some people at my work bonkers. I no longer am all action, more of a thinker and letting life go, and letting others lead, follow, and often I just get out of the way saying nothing but every once in a while I do remind my family, didn't I tell you.....Letting Go There's Room Enough to Fly....
